One
이게 마지막 내 자존심이라
This is the last bit of my pride
뻔하겠지만 내 얘길 들어줘
So it might sound typical but listen to my story
나는 변명 따윈 질색이지만
I hate giving excuses
널 놓치면 안 될 것 같아 난
But I don’t think I can lose you
어제 딴 여자와 밥을 먹었어
I ate dinner with another girl yesterday
니가 미워서 너무 미워서
Because I hated you, I hated you so much
니가 그 남자를 생각하는 게
Because I can see you
매일 난 눈에 보여서
Thinking of him everyday
삐뚤어지면 날 봐 줄까 봐
Maybe you’ll see me if I act badly
이렇게라도 니 관심을 돌려
I try to gain your attention like this
Dara dara dadada
I don't wanna let you go
어떡해야 널 가질 수 있니
What can I do to have you?
거짓말이라도 해봐 좀
At least lie to me
빈말이라도 잊겠다고
Even if you don’t mean it, tell me you’ll forget him
희망고문이라도 해봐
Even if it’s hope torture, do it
빈틈을 좀 보여줘
Show me some kind of flaw
내 자리는 어디도 없어
There is no spot for me
최소한의 숨이라도 쉬게 맘을 열어줘
Open your heart so at least I can breathe a little
(NU’EST – Love Without Love 사랑 없는 사랑)
Finally, I'm back here again. It's surprising how after only a month and a half apart, I already miss this place. After five years, this time I'm not returning here as a student, but as a teacher. I was indeed an alumnus of Hwachin High School. Yes, Hwachin School is a school consisting of Elementary School, Middle School, and High School departments. This is my first year teaching at this school, after I passed the exam to apply to be a teacher five months ago. After passing the exam, for the rest of the even semester, I became a teacher's assistant to get used to the teaching and learning system at this school. This time, after the new school year has arrived, my status is still not a permanent teacher, I am still a contract teacher and will have to struggle for a year (if lucky) or two or three years to get the status of a permanent teacher, but at least I am no longer an assistant teacher. So, you could say my income won't be that great, but it won't be too bad either. I'm also continuing my studies to get my Master's degree in English Education, which starts this month. I'll be teaching English at the middle and high school levels. I've also been assigned to be the homeroom teacher for Class 3B at the high school level. Am I nervous? Yes, of course, because this is all a new experience for me: being a teacher and a homeroom teacher. But I should be able to do well because I've known these students since I was a teacher assistant a few months ago. I'm excited to observe their character development. Hwachin High School students are generally quite mature, friendly, and not troublesome. Well, everything should be fine, right? I want to not worry, but… I'm still unsure. Will I be a good teacher? Will I be a good homeroom teacher? Will I be able to adapt well?
"Choeun! What are you doing?" A thunderous shout accompanied by a rather hard blow landed on my shoulder, and it hurt.
I turned around and saw that Eunyul eonni had just hit me. She was practically a fellow teacher who I had immediately become close with, even though this was only her second year teaching in the Elementary School department. This year, she had also earned her permanent teacher status. She was a specialist in Fine Arts. Even though we taught in different departments, the cheerful Eunyul eonni took the initiative to befriend me when I was eating alone in the cafeteria on my first day of teaching as a teacher assistant. And strangely, as if fate had it, I quickly became close with her, even though we both claimed to be introverts. But many people say that when introverts get together and feel comfortable with each other, they quickly become close. Eunyul eonni herself was six years my senior.
“What do you mean, eonni? Of course, I was walking to the teacher’s lounge,” I replied bluntly.
“Yes, yes, but you weren’t walking, you were just standing in the middle of the field.”
I looked around and realized I was actually standing in the middle of our school field, looking foolish, while the students who had arrived early and passed us were already greeting us.
“Oh, my,” I groaned as I started walking.
“Are you nervous about your new position this year?” she asked, hitting the nail on the head, “a teacher and a homeroom teacher?”
I let out a long sigh, “Yes, that’s right.”
“Oh yeah, what grade will you be the homeroom teacher for? Who are the students?”
“I forgot to tell you, eonni. I already got the student list last month.”
I handed her my phone after opening the document containing the names of my students.
“You’ve met them before, right?” Eunyul eonni asked as she walked forward with me then she laughed, “your class is going to be crowded. Who arranged Heo Chungdae and Sun Joonki to be in the same class? Oh, I remember Min Dongsun was in the same class as Chungdae last year, right? But don’t worry, you have Dongsun and Won Hyeil, you can count on them.”
I laughed nervously. Those names were familiar, and I could already imagine my class getting crowded. Eunyul eonni handed me my phone back.
“Don’t worry, everything will be fine, because you’re Baek Choeun, remember?”
"Yes, I hope so."
"Okay, we'll part ways here. I'll see you at lunch in the cafeteria."
"Have a nice day, eonni!" I said, waving at her as she entered the elementary school building.
The elementary school building was on the far left and quite close to the school gate, while the middle and high school buildings were on the far right, meaning I had to walk quite a distance past the center building, which was the administration building and whose second and third floors housed numerous laboratories and activity rooms for elementary school students. The teachers' lounge was on the first floor of the middle and high school buildings, and I was sure not many teachers had arrived yet, as I arrived five minutes before seven, while school itself started at eight. Middle and high school students finished at four-thirty in the afternoon, but many students ended up leaving after seven at night due to the many extracurricular activities and independent study periods they had to attend.
"Miss Baek, good morning!"
I was completely startled when someone suddenly put their arm around me while walking alongside me.
"Heo Chungdae!" I shouted, surprised.
"Ah, sorry, miss, did I startle you?" he asked with a wide smile.
"It's so early in the morning, what are you doing here?"
"I'm just a little excited today."
Heo Chungdae, the student Eunyul eonni had mentioned earlier, was one of the students in my class this year. He was a standout student because of his height, standing over 180 centimeters. He was handsome and always seemed relaxed. So relaxed, I glanced at his untidy clothes, as usual.
"Surely you're not excited because you're going to start studying again, are you?" I asked skeptically, remembering that Chungdae wasn't the bookish type, "by the way, straighten your uniform. Tuck in your shirt and fix your tie!"
"Of course I'm not excited because I have to study again, miss. I just want to stop by the basketball court before class," he replied, walking away from me with a backward step, "I'll straighten my uniform afterward."
"Don't sweat so early in the morning!" I shouted at his retreating figure.
"Don't worry, I brought a change of clothes, miss!"
And after waving, he ran away quickly from me. He was always cheerful and, as far as I knew, never stressed about academics (well, he wasn't worried, but all the teachers were; he was often the hot topic in the staff room). One of his hobbies is sports. He's a very respectful student to his teachers and friendly to everyone. But I was surprised, since when did he dare to put his arm around me? Was it because he'd gotten taller lately, while I'm only 160 cm?
***
Eight o'clock, after the bell rang, was the time for the homeroom teacher to spend fifteen minutes with their students before the official start of class. Usually, the homeroom teacher would take attendance, chat casually, and provide important information and advice (if necessary, but I figured this would be my obligation, considering Chungdae and Joonki were in my class). Holding a red folder, I slowly made my way to Class 3B, located on the fourth floor of the school building (I'd get enough exercise every day). I glanced through the windows along the corridor, but the curtains were drawn. Other than that, I didn't hear a sound. Had they all fled the classroom? Heart pounding, not wanting any trouble on my first day, I slid the classroom door open.
"Welcome, Miss Baek!"
Suddenly, I was showered with confetti, and the students were already clapping enthusiastically. My arms were held by two students, whom I later realized were Chungdae and Sun Joonki, both known as the school's riot squad. They flanked me to the teacher's desk at the front of the classroom, still accompanied by applause and the sound of students cheering. They finally released me, and I could see the classroom decorated with balloons and streamers, and behind me, on the chalkboard, the words "Welcome Miss 백초은" written in large, beautifully decorated letters. Won Hyeil, the Student Committee president, had already opened the curtains covering the tall windows along the corridor. After a while, Min Dongsun, the vice-president of the Student Committee, raised his hand and the clapping stopped. I smiled as I looked at my students one by one. They were still as cheerful as I always remembered: Chungdae, surprisingly, sat at the front desk (I don't remember ever seeing him sitting in the front row in all the time I've known him), still holding the remaining confetti in his hand; Dongsun sat in the back corner, simply because he didn't want his height to block his friends' view; Joonki sat in the middle row, wearing some kind of cone-shaped birthday party hat; Jeon Yeowoo, the beautiful tomboy, sat in front of Dongsun, still smiling widely. Hyeil sat in the other corner of the classroom, smiling widely as well. I laughed because I wasn't sure what to say first.
“You guys…how long have you been preparing this?” I asked, still smiling broadly.
“This morning! We had to sneak past the teachers’ lounge, and Joonki even went up the stairs at the end so Miss wouldn’t see him coming,” Yeowoo reported.
“Wait, so this morning…” I glanced at Chungdae.
“I didn’t play basketball, Miss. I’ve lied to you,” Chungdae said with a broad smile.
“How dare you lie to me?” I asked, feigning anger.
“It’s okay, Miss, it’s a white lie.”
Chungdae’s answer made the class laugh.
“This was all Chungdae’s idea, Miss, we were just carrying out his plan,” Joonki reported.
I raised an eyebrow skeptically. Chungdae is indeed a hot mess, but I didn't expect him to prepare a surprise to greet me. However, after his name was called, he became even more proud and stood up, thanking his friends around him and patting his chest. He's still a kid, after all.
"Yes, yes, okay, thank you very much, Chungdae."
"Anything for you, miss," he replied, bowing, his right hand on his chest and his left hand waving low as if greeting the British royal family.
I could only shake my head at his silliness.
"Okay, okay, since it's the first day of the school year, let's elect our class representatives now," I said, trying to control the atmosphere, clapping my hands, "we have to elect our class president."
"Hyeil and Dongsun!" Yeowoo shouted loudest.
"Ah no no, please not us again," Hyeil refused, laughing and waving his hands in front of his chest.
"Please spare us, we're still the Student Committee president and vice president until the end of this semester," Dongsun said, half pleading.
I'd guessed they'd choose Hyeil and Dongsun, because I'd heard they'd always been reliable since elementary school. So it's no surprise they currently hold the highest positions on the Student Committee.
"What about Joonki?" I offered, pointing at Joonki with the tip of a marker.
"Don't miss! How about Chungdae?" Joonki replied, pointing at Chungdae.
The atmosphere was lively again, but surprisingly, Chungdae didn't show any significant resistance. He'd changed a lot. Or… had he been eating the wrong things lately?
***
I had expected the first week of the school year to be tough. For the past four days, I'd been home at eight p.m., just as the students studying independently were starting to leave. I rubbed my sore neck as my right hand clutched my laptop. I hated bringing work home, but I didn't have much of a choice. The thought of another five-minute walk to the subway station made my steps heavy.
"Miss, let me help you," someone suddenly snatched my laptop from my hands.
I almost screamed, thinking there was a robber on the school grounds. But it was only Min Donghyun, who looked a little sweaty.
"Oh, Donghyun, you haven't gone home yet?" I asked after I regained control.
Donghyun is Dongsun's younger brother. The Min brothers are very popular at school, and I don't know which of them has the most fans. If I had to say what was so attractive about them, they had quite a lot in common, but I still felt they had a different charm. While Dongsun was practically perfect (near-perfect academic grades, he was quite good at sports, and he played guitar), which led to him being elected vice president of the Student Committee; Donghyun wasn't as serious about his studies (though all the teachers were convinced he was intelligent) and he was also good at sports (he was captain of the school's soccer team and also played basketball). Physically, they were about the same height, although some said Donghyun was a little shorter, by just an inch or two. When it came to handsomeness, many people had a hard time choosing, and I was the same at first.
"Well, I'm just done with my basketball club," Donghyun replied.
"Where's Dongsun? Aren't you guys going home together?"
"He's already gone because he's going to study in a group, he said."
"Wow, just what we'd expect from the vice president of the Student Committee."
"We can go to the subway station together, miss."
"Okay, that's a good idea."
We walked together in the silence of the night. There wasn't much activity around our school, especially at this time of night. Usually, the only people passing by were Hwachin High School students.
"Miss, actually, I feel disappointed."
"Why?"
"Why isn't Miss our homeroom teacher?" Donghyun asked.
I turned to Donghyun and saw his frown. It was funny how a second-year high school student could still pout over a small matter like this.
“Oh, I thought so,” I laughed lightly, “I don’t know either. It’s the principal’s decision.”
“It would definitely be more fun if we got a miss. This isn’t by miss’s choice, right?”
“No. Trust me, I’m just following orders from my boss.”
“But at least you’re still our English teacher.”
“Yes, don’t worry, I’ll still teach your class.”
We chuckled and continued walking to the subway station. It was a pleasant journey. How could it not be, with this handsome student with me.
***
“Miss Baek.”
“Oh yes, Kim sonsaengnim.”
“Can we talk for a moment?”
I couldn’t help but feel nervous being called this by Kim sonsaengnim, a woman in her early 30s who was the head teacher of the high school, my direct superior in the high school department. I followed her to her desk in the corner of the room. She invited me to sit across from her.
She smiled reassuringly, “relax. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
I smiled nervously, but still, no matter how kind Kim sonsaengnim was, she was still my superior.
“Actually, we’ve heard some news recently, and I want you to find out the truth.”
“Okay, Kim sonsaengnim. What is it?”
"There's news that your students Chungdae and Suk Youngkyong are dating. It's true that they're in high school, and it's legal for them to date, but not within the school environment. Would you care to find out about this?"
"As far as I know, they've been childhood friends."
"Yes, but that was before they came of age, right?" asked Kim Sonsaengnim with a chuckle.
"Okay, I'll ask."
***
Eunyul eonni and I spent time eating lunch together. Thankfully, since she teaches grades 4-6 in elementary school, her students have the same lunch break as high school students, and it was only on Thursdays that I couldn't eat lunch with her (I was teaching in middle school at the time). We always sat at a table in the corner where it wouldn't attract much attention.
"I've only been homeroom teacher for a week and already have a job."
"What is it?" she asked, her mouth full of fried rice.
"Kim sonsaengnim told me to find out if Chungdae and Youngkyong are dating."
"Wow, that's new. But they've been pretty close for a long time."
"That's it. I wasn't sure they were dating."
"Besides, Youngkyong is too good for Chungdae," Eunyul eonni remarked before taking a big bite of fried chicken thigh.
"What do you mean, eonni? Are you making fun of my students? Is Chungdae that bad?"
"That's not what I meant. I know Chungdae is quite popular, but wouldn't Youngkyong want to pursue someone more with her popularity?"
"You mean, with the Min brothers, for example?"
"Well, who knows. Besides, I'm quite annoyed with this school rule. Let high school students date as they please; they're capable of being held responsible, I think."
"I agree, eonni. That rule is too outdated and needs to be revised."
***
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